If you are reading this, you may relate to having experienced one or more of the following feelings:
- not clear
- unable to relax
- wondering which way to go in your life
Growing involves resistance and in the periods in between becoming, you may feel as though things are not going well, you may feel unsettled and you may try and try to stay grounded, meanwhile feeling overwhelmed and like hiding from the world altogether. This phase is reflective of the chrysalis phase of a butterfly, where it becomes necessary to cocoon to connect with you own inner guidance.
When I was recovering from anorexia (and it was a 12 year journey!), especially in the final phase where I nearly died from malnutrition and the doctors and my heart said: nourish your body or you will die. I was confused. My mind did not believe the messages my body was sending me. I was so used to bearing control over the delicate nervous system and the process of digestion and assimilation, that I had no remembrance of relaxing into the body and allowing the body to be a guide for me to heal. This process took so long because I was focusing on only one teeny tiny piece in the whole picture, which was of the physical body.
You may know consciously that you are much more than your body, however if you have ever struggled with your weight, with an eating disorder such as anorexia, bulimia or overeating, you may not have realized the imbalance that manifested in the physical had it’s roots in the emotional and spiritual. Transforming into a butterfly becomes awkward especially when you realize that you are so much more than your physical body, when most of our culture is functioning in the physical manifestation realm.
When things become awkward – and they certainly will – it has been written about in many songs, to have something to hold onto. What keeps you grounded in your life? Some ideas could be:
- having a sanctuary in your home
- spending time in nature
- yoga – mindful asana practice
- non-judgemental friends
- singing, dancing
The in-between who you are now and who you are becoming involves removing the masks of your conditioning. I am surrounded by friends and clients who are in a chrysalis phase of removing comfort in order to become stronger mentally, physically and spiritually. Many of these friends are in the phase of confusion and overwhelm where that cannot see of feel the effects of change, and without tangible benefits, therein lies awkwardness. Some of the changes they are experiencing involve money, relationships, food and work and there are many similarities to be drawn. First, this is a time for support, to allow yourself to be supported and to receive that support as if it is the lifeline for your healing. As well, to trust in the the unknown is a very paradoxical place to be, and so taking time out to design your new life will be beneficial.
- Do as much writing as you need
- create a vision board
- have a few affirmations to remind yourself of what you are allowing to emerge in your life
- spend time letting go in meditation or yoga so that your mind turns off and guidance and insight is allowed to flow through you
Recovering from an eating disorder, addiction or transforming from a caterpillar to a butterfly in your life is a complex process involving your mental, emotional, physical and spiritual energy and synergistically integrating the parts of you which may have forgotten who you are in order that you remember your essential self, see beyond what is in order to create what may be and to broaden your vision for a more courageous, dynamic, sustainable and fulfilling life for yourself. If you are closed off to your potential, it might feel rather painful. When breaking through from this place to a more graceful and divine place, awkwardness persists to remind you to reach out for resources, to develop new skills and to continue seeking. It is my prayer for you that you become the best you possible, and that you are able to feel the light within you and share of your skills and wisdom with the world.