Know Your Kitchen


While discussing Fed Up, the well-lobbyed film on our sugar-laden food system and lack of education and awareness surrounding diet in the US, my boyfriend brought the whole big bag of organic sugar out onto the porch this morning for breakfast. He scoured while laughing. I addressed it as: I was considering taking it out of the house for good, so good. His response, ha: “I know my chickens”. I thought he said, “I know my kitchen”, and thankfully so I do… I thought it would resonate that in his Italian upbringing bearing kitchen, food and romance-centric approaches to life, they value their kitchen and so he understood from such a place. But I get it too, chickens, yes. Do you know your chickens? Or your kitchen? In terms, the fine line between having rules while eating and approaching food for health reasons. Healthy eating is as such: personal. It is not to be taken personally, however. One person’s chicken is another person’s roast.

We talk a lot about the differences in Italian versus American culture, and he has a pretty big aversion to the obesity problem in the US. His solution goes something like this: eat more cake, plenty of cheese, lots of fruits, some veggies, and bread, always include bread & espresso. Seen through his eyes it is pretty much of a cultural blunder we let things get out of control without establishing any semblance of food culture besides major hamburger and sir soda pop the size of a human head. While having fallen asleep watching Fed Up, as I feel like I learned so much on the food industry through my studies at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition and I don’t consume sugar except on Sundays on our ritualized visit to the yummy vegetarian Indian cafe, I too see through the problem yet with a more refined lens. (Only saying because recovering from a lethal eating disorder through a highly restrictive diet and coming out on the other side, I have my own dietary ethics which are highly useful on a daily basis, yet not more or less so than what works for anyone else!) He thinks more so that energy in equals energy out, and that it does not really matter whether sugar or bread, but that you must do sport. The film says it’s all about the sugar, that the sugar is in everything and is what makes us fat. I am in between the two with this at the forefront of my well researched theory: sugar causes inflammation, strive for balance in diet and include as many whole foods as possibly to keep the body as a well functioning vessel, and the body will be more efficient and support your healing and health (as defined by you).

I used to teach an 8 Weeks to Radiant Health course and we talked about eating for the next segment of time and declaring how you would like to feel and that eating can support the body feeling well. While we cannot derive feelings from food (tricky territory, as in diet is determined by how we feel emotionally), we can feed ourselves well and expect to feel well as a result. A few weeks after having given up sugar, and I will say I feel tons better. More clear, less bloating, tons more present and uplifted inside. I get a lot of the sweet taste from fruits, natural sweeteners such as palm sugar and maple syrup and plenty of sweetness in the day through sharing meals and at work for an eco-friendly product company and co-workers I respect fully, a pup named Poppy who soaks up all of the nearly there’s about being, and a home I am coming to love more and more each day through it’s cleanliness and order. Sugar is for the, well, past I’ll say. There are plenty of reasons to cut it out for now.

A few I can think of, reasons to keep going sans-the-white-stuff:

1. Mental Clarity (Wooo!)

2. More Energy (yippeee! To walk outside in the cool fall air, oh my!)

3. To Feel Fabulous (yes, yes, yes, not YES, then oh no)

4. Emotional Balance (sugar can cause a bit of the up and down’s)

5. Yummy (better flavor out of foods! Not needing to saturate in things like soda or candy to not pay tribute to the planet and all of the natural beauty it provides such as honey or dates or figs or apples)

6. Radiance! Radiance comes when you feel better, your best, which is a byproduct of taking good care. This is relative, each of us does what is needed based on awareness of our wellbeing. I like to eat well to feel better, some people like working out more or sleeping less, whatever it is, going without sugar most certainly impacts the body’s ability to glow and detox in a happier way.

feel-better-now

What does your kitchen need to be more naturally satisfying? Eating sweet foods grown in the earth, especially in the fall season, such as squashes, onions, carrots, apples and pears harvested, will calm cravings for sugary foods and keep the body in balance and the sweet taste satiated. Cooking with natural sweeteners to replace or instead of white sugar, such as palm sugar, maple syrup, brown rice syrup or molasses is a way to stay in tune and ecocentric in your foods, with more positive feedback from the body and less of a need to try to get rid of something. Think more about adding in ways to feel sweet, taste sweet and be sweet with sweet foods, beyond the sugar. Especially this Halloween, when temptings present and trends are revealed all around in the form of milk chocolatey, caramel-filled, candy corn things, a sustainable diet is challenged, only as much as thought has gone into what would be the best choice? How would something other than sugar be in the cookies and what else could work? What candy can work, and why not something like Pumpkin Pudding or Bread made with maple syrup and peanut butter? How can I help my kiddos be balanced as they amass candy this Halloween?

What can I do to be in balance this holiday season without expecting to fully give up on sugar? Are there any foods I eat much of which I am craving or is there an essential nutrient missing from my diet I need to know about? Such as with desserts, or sweets, protein is often the missing link, causing the amino acids in the brain to not relax, and dah-dah-dah-DAH, want something sweet. Try eating a bit more protein, even adding nuts and seeds to a meal or a snack for a bit more satiety and brain power.

One more thing is a resource for reading up on eating more close to the earth, or ecocentrically: THIS ARTICLE ON NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC! It features a tribe that I got to observe in the bush, while on a NOLS Leadership semester in Tanzania in 2000, we came upon this tribe, the Hadza of which there are only a few hundred of the last remaining true hunter gatherers on Earth, and we followed them on a hunt for a bush baby (baby primate as featured in the article) along with to climb a tree filled with killer bees (we had to stay beyond eye distance of the tree while they foraged!) for honey comb in which we passed around and feasted on both of. Read the article for more and what you can do to consider the impact food choices have on our evolution and the environment.

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Much love, sweetness and blessings for your kitchen to be filled with wellness beyond sugar or in addition to,

Waller

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Ideas for a savory but satisfying sweet food recipes:

My favorite and folks LOVE this….

Kabocha Squash Hummus
INGREDIENTS

  • 1 medium autumn squash (about 2 pounds)
  • 
1/2 cup tahini
  • Juice of 1-2 lemons
  • 
1 clove garlic, very finely minced
  • 
Kosher salt
  • 
1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil, plus more for roasting the squash
  • Freshly grated nutmeg

DIRECTIONS
•    Preheat oven to 300°F. Line baking sheet with lightly oiled foil. Cut squash in half, then rub insides of squash with olive oil and lightly salt. Place squash, cut sides down, on the baking sheet. Roast squash for 45 minutes to an hour, or until you can squeeze squash and it is soft. Let cool for 20 minutes.
•    Place the flesh in a blender or food processor. Add the tahini, lemon juice, and garlic if using. Puree the mixture until it is relatively smooth but there are still a few chunks. Season with a few pinches of salt, and then, with the machine running, add the olive oil in a slow, steady stream through the feed tube. After you have added the oil, stop the machine, scrape down the side, and taste the hummus; add more salt if needed. The mixture should be thick at this point, close to mayonnaise in texture. If it’s not, then add a little more olive oil until it reaches the right consistency.
•    Spoon hummus into a large bowl. For best results, chill for about two hours. You can also serve it right away with pita bread or sliced vegetables. Before serving, garnish with a few gratings of nutmeg.


Move in a New Way Each Day


I fought this morning for an extra bite of time to take a leisurely walk before a day’s work sitting at the computer. My morning routine has been a lifesaver, truly the best part of any aspect of the day over the years, it has morphed into a combination of oil pulling, morning pages, yoga nidra, create radiance yoga (rooted in somatic yoga & feldenkrais), feel good energy routine, water with lemon, dry drush + cold shower, water splash. I sound like a mermaid, but seriously this morning routine gives the body a boost and a “glow” all the day long. My boyfriend who is finishing his PhD in mech engineering has like the strongest back in the world. That’s after 25 years or so of school (7 or so post-grad) and working a ton pouring his brain out on to the screen. If you think about it, when you’re working, do you place your brain over your pelvis and are you mindful to keep your facial muscles relaxed? (I don’t know about you, but I can get sucked in, especially if I’m trying to get something finished to what that is, not the needs of my body to stay aligned) Without regards to his workout routine, which spells out: commitment, I consider years prior versus now and how I’m integrating years of movement training and practice into days that are becoming more sweetly rich, with less pain & intensity.images-2 Despite an insane dedication to my yoga practice, it’s the times in between, when there are just a few minutes once or twice a day, that practice becomes more refined and wisdom pours through as a result of taking time to be in the body. Being at the airport and having the personal integrity to stretch when everyone may be looking, or come home with tons you could do, and turn the music on, for just one song and dance, or to squat a little before you know you may be sitting, or to lift your arms over your head and stretch side to side when you are sitting or standing up next to your desk. My movement prefs involve pretty much walking, pretending like I am swimming (I can’t handle chlorine unfortunately, but have been an avid swimmer, so like to imagine flowing in water anyhow!), dancing and stretching. I’ll take any chance to crawl or roll around on the floor too, since learning from the practices of NIA or Breema that the body needs what we got in infancy, and in all stages of the life cycle. How do you like to move? Do you notice your posture or movement patterns? Are there ways you make yourself move, such as to go for a run, and does that help you feel better? Do you prefer to stretch or do you not stretch because it hurts? However, it is all amazing, how each of us moves so uniquely in these bodies that are not the same other than through the physiology of the whole of us! Moving in a new way each day takes accepting:

  • we all need different varieties of movement to create balance
  • the body is different every day
  • well-being is intrinsic
  • it takes time to develop the skills to relax into the body
  • my goal is to move with the natural rhythms of the earth (some people may want to move a whole lot faster!!!)

I was like the perfect yogi throughout my 20’s. Then, without a practice there was plenty of grief, and getting back into my essential body (not from a kickass workout routine, however) has taken more dedication to exploring the inner landscape of bones and musculature than anything I have ever done. One thing I have learned is that relaxing again, in the body:

  • brings memory back from trauma (as memory is stored in the connective tissue, or the fascia)
  • helps to stay present when connecting with others
  • deepens any and all relationships, and any and all commitments
  • desensitizes you to things that don’t matter, and repatterns your brain to attract what you need.

Sometimes what we need to accept how we are moving through space is a simple shift in thought. Others times it’s a hug. And most of the time, a good bit of imagination and lots of practice. One of my favorite quotes which I used to use when people were in legs up the wall pose, or just truly deepening into their mind after a luxurious yoga class:

This place where you are right now, God circled on a map for you. –Hafiz

Resources for movement that have been excellent go-to’s over the years (not paid or affiliate links) to use as a reference in exploring movement, improving posture, etc include:

  • yogaglo.com – great for vinyasa, yin & restorative classes (a few of my friends teach for yogaglo)
  • eckhartyoga.com – the best for therapeutic and slower yoga. i’m a fan of yoga in the UK, as they seem to understand the science of movement beyond the ego, some teachers in US teach more from their experience of empowerment.
  • pilatesanytime.com – i <3 basi pilates and these are phenomenal teachers, the setting is unbelievable in a studio overlooking cliffs in So Cal
  • barre3.com – love for 10 min workouts! great ideas for new ways to move.
  • flowingbody.com – feldenkrais, for when there is time, and the posture is in need. readable ways to truly unravel holding patterns.

I will offer you this, that it may guide you home in whichever way you feel inspired by today! Thanks so much for reading and I hope you are well in every way today.

walking >

Love and blessings Waller


The Life of a Fish (and truly becoming free)


Life seems surreal at the moment. Take some time to reflect on what is good and why you appreciate it. To begin, come inside to the place that knows that everything covering up your essential self is just fluff, unsettled difficulties irreverent to what is true.

Sometimes I wonder why it takes sooo long to get through the loss of a structure in life. I look back at a time when my dad was in the midst of  a psychotic breakdown, and my life felt like a horror film. A two-year nightmare. Inuendos that nobody would ever want to admit had become lodged in my brain. They presented almost daily, it was like picking the weeds of self-aversion or the process of growing out of an eating disorder: terrifying and confusing, palpable and necessary, a matter of the heart. I never thought I would look at a human being again with clarity, much less be able to invite in love, work and to fall in love with life again. Things began to gradually shift, much of which was written in the stars, yet none of what I could withhold any longer. Daily yoga practices, focused on purifying the koshas (layers of consciousness, to come in a groovy yoga book for transitions and recovery!) started to work, as did little inner commitments and alignment bearing fruit.

I wish I could wrap up this phase and put it into a bottle and call it home. Or harmony. Things just seem to be synergistic and working well. I know it takes believing, which can take a long while, or be a matter of perspective. I almost forgot I had believed, honestly. Many years of cleansing body, mind and spirit through a super macrobiotic diet, and praying and meditating on the mat, have begun to take root, yet also lighten as true needs. Thousands of “good lucks” from my mom that I shunned, denying the feeling of being discluded, and just wanting to know how it would end up, culminate during a phase like this when things just seem to line up. I have never believed in luck and firmly believe in continuous work on a person’s whole life to create harmony. I do wonder though if there is a magic in everyone’s heart that is a unique process of manifestation?

Mine would be something like this:

1. Be really scared of who you are. Focus on things like food and body image. Deny self expression. Get really depressed and ashamed. Start to notice it. Let it eat away at you until you feel like your presence is a mad house and everyone else it amazing. Look to the world as school, people and places as teachers. 

2. Begin to really listen to your feelings. Become sensitive to the moment. Know that relaxation is  safety and it comes from the body. Cultivate it within by taking as much time as possible, too much time, for you. This won’t look like any else’s process. For some, it may mean going overboard in some aspect of life. Do it with every ounce of your being. Have a passion that brings you back to center and when you feel awkward facing the world, remember you have this to come back to.

3. Keep going, do what you are doing, remembering daily that it is a process and especially to SLOW DOWN. It passes by in a heartbeat, these feelings of life in balance. Bring on the good ones by going towards what you love and away from what makes you armor your heart, body and life. Know this distinction is not always clear and takes continuous fine tuning.

4. Reflect. On things that feel good and inclusive, why some things bring up your stuff. On what actions need to take to feel better. Know each day that the body is different.

5. Put your whole heart in, even when you don’t know how. I can remember years of teaching yoga, my dad used to say I could do with my eyes closed and no hands. So true, I also was not truly listening. I was teaching from a place of knowing, not being taught by what other body’s needed. I was still teaching and making an impact. I’m humbled now by the world, by the knowing  we all are working through things to become better friends, spouses, siblings, and co-creators.

6. It all is like being a fish and remembering to use your spine as a rutter moving with the natural rhythms of the earth. The front of which is where we withhold our secrets from the world, and the back in which we are able to carry each other. Both sides working simultaneously is what creates harmony. This takes ongoing work, stretching the mind and body to show up for ourselves in this here and now to be open to the joys and opportunities of life.

For now, reflect on how you bring good things to life. What is your personal code of ethics and morals, that keep you thriving? How do you continue purifying and opening to the lighter things in life? Is it perspective more so than actions? Or do actions lead to sustainable perspectives that not only feel good but create better outcomes? Some days heaviness is in the heart, sometimes in the head, and always blocking the bliss that is in the essential part of your being. What are some ways you can access your own inner bliss, even for the times in between being home? Is there a mantra, an activity, a blessing you would have for yourself and the world around you during these times?

Much inner love and blossoming heart wishes,

Waller

wakeup


Ode to chocolate (the healing kind)


I have been away,
one would say in Lalaland,
(which doesn’t happen every day)
or rather, unwinding from that feeling,
which some days happens to be a long and winding road.
I am back because something said I was becoming lazy,
that this story is written through us and why not share what happens to be                            sometimes magical about it.
(Marco in Italy this weekend)
IMG_9527

What almost home has looked like lately:
my dad with dementia, obsessed by being nude and throwing furniture from his balcony,
Skype calls catching up with my Italian boyfriend who is away for 3 wks, from his bed in the mtns of Italy, while I am cooking,
wondrous moments with super Poppy, beloved dog of all dogs,
awareness that I need to become a gardener, or someone will be hurt in the backyard….
and plenty of in between times when I am developing that inner voice that says, more!

Most of all, I am here for now to share through story about what breaks my heart open.

DIsclaimer: Besides this utter longing, daily diary swirling in my mind: I WILL NEVER STOP MISSING MY DAD. If I drop in to the feelings, it is the saddest sensation on earth. It is not fair nor ok, just insane goops of a really sad thing. And it is – and people have been there before – a reminder that life is like NOW. Doesn’t make the feelings go away nor my heart fully heal.

Loves, for this I am sharing with you the feeling of chocolate.

I started a new job this week working for this awesome eco company (TBA!) and they asked what kind of snacks are cool, ahem……………
((chocolate))

Health Benefits of Chocolate (why it is cool)

Magnesium

Did you know that when women crave chocolate around their moon cycle, they are actually deficient in magnesium, which acts as a muscle relaxer? Raw cacao has the highest content of magnesium of any food. Wow. That’s a lot.

Sulphur

Cacao is chok-full of the beauty mineral sulphur. Eating it in the raw form can help your skin be radiant and clear, you to have lustrous hair and nails to be stronger and to feel more beautiful. I once dipped into a sulphur spring in the Bahamas, a place where Martin Luther King, Jr. had been inspired to write his ‘I Have a Dream Speech’, where sharks swim and a mystical mangrove forest grows in the middle of the ocean. A spring rises up from underneath the ocean, and you swim through it to reap the benefits. Afterwards, it is said that any disease is washed away and that you are healed! That’s eco-power.

Serotonin & Endorphins

A dose of pure & raw cacao heightens the sense of euphoria in the brain by enhancing the pituitary gland, the place in the body responsible for stimulating our spiritual vision. It is wildly successful in drawing to you positive feelings of happiness and bliss, which means less PMS and depression, more clarity and purpose.

Phenylethylamine & Anandamide

Introducing the love drug nutrient and the bliss chemical. Thanks be to chocolate.

Oleic Acid

Healthy fat. Beauty fat. Skinny fat. A super fat found in olive oil which is extra good for you because it enhances a sluggish metabolism!

Vitamins & Minerals

Raw cacao offers plentiful vitamins, A1, B1, C, D and E to name a few,  and is abundant in bone-building, metabolism-boosting, blood sugar balancing super minerals such as sulphur, iron, potassium, manganese, chromium, sodium phosphorus, zinc. Many nutrients readily available in cacao in it’s raw form are destroyed by heat. Consider raw cacao to be extra virgin chocolate.

Antioxidants

Ok so chocolate in the raw has, are you ready…
    360% more antioxidants than regular cocoa
    41 times more antioxidants than red wine
    21 times more than green tea
    7 times more than dark chocolate
(more antioxidants than any other food on the planet)

Sexy Goodness

Raw cacao has incredible benefits on the libido with nearly instantaneous aphrodisiac effects. Bringin’ sexy back….woo!

How I make it:

super chill choc (to beat the crazy’s and sleep!)

3 T cacao
5 T cacao butter
1.5 T palm sugar
1/2 t ashwaganda
1/2 t shatavari
1/4 t pink rose
1/8 t vanilla
pinch of sea salt
 
Place cacao, cut into small pieces, into a double broiler. Allow to melt. Add to dry ingredients, and stir to incorporate. Pour into a mold or a small cup. Place in the freezer for half and hour or so, before pulling out to indulge. Enjoy before bedtime to get your chill on in lalaland……………….

hugs with chocolate and tons more magical moments,

Waller


How to Heal from Sunburn.


 A yoga student called last week and said, “must go to the beach tomorrow. Can you go with me?” He has been saying so for months. I took care of what needed doing and we left 12 hours later for a weekend on the coast of the Florida Gulf. It was a lovely idea! The weekend was chilly and cloudy, conducive for laying on the couch at best. It was still relaxing though the both of us knew it may take a few days to unwind. Come Monday and the warm sun (though not blazing) came out to shine! I laid on the beach alllll day. Upon sundown, my face was apparently red. It’s Saturday and I’m pretty much a peeling gal. I feel it in my bones even, like I just lost a piece of myself.

 

1. To begin, BUILD THE BLOOD to heal thy sunburn, from heartbreak or on a sunshiney day to get your happy healthy on :)

edamame,

pesto on a Spring day….

  • 1/2 cup edamame
  • 1 T nutritional yeast
  • 1/4 t sea salt
  • 1 T olive oil
  • 1/3 cup aloe vera juice (inner hydration:)
  • 1 clove garlic
  • 1 T lime juice

Blend well and serve over noodles, gluten free if so!

2. HYDRATE INSIDE AND OUT

I am obsessed with coconut oil….for the skin, nails, teeth, in smoothies, to saute and just a dab if the brain feels not quite fed.                 It’s mid-way through Saturday and I’ve used it to slather on the sunburn a handful of times. It feels good. Hydrating the sweet skin of the face. First thing in the morning especially, or before bed.

3. LOVE THYSELF (take care of the bo*dy and the bo*dy will be able to love further)

A yoga mudra for self-love,

for when the skin gets burned, it becomes traumatized, and the heart feels everything that occurs to the mind and body.

Image

Kaleshvara Mudra : hold in front of your heart, your fingers in a heart shaped position

in order to alchemize and cleanse the body of excess toxins, dead skin cells inside and out.

I am love. My body is healing, healthy and whole. I take care of my skin. I give and receive pure love from my heart. I am open to being honest and awake in all areas of my life.

love love,

Waller

 

 


Feel-Good Potential


Feeling good is a choice we make each moment of every day. Moving towards optimum health is an agreement between the mind and body…….to decide to be healthy, to acknowledge your health, to realize your wellness and to accept an invitation to be well. Moving beyond a phase of poor health involves the mind as much as it does the body. My Pilates teacher trainer says: physical health is the first key to happiness. I want that imprinted on my brain. Sometimes we get off track, forget what we are here to do, why we are here to feel good, so we can gather up the resources, accept the support, realize our potential, move towards what feels good to us, even though that might not look like what anyone else is up to. It looks like you, moving like you, feeling like you, becoming yourself again, inviting yourself to emerge, even though…..(and we all have reasons why not).

I ran into a woman today I used to work with, for an organization that provides free alternative health resources for cancer patients. I was hired as a chef to start-up a meal delivery service for people undergoing cancer treatment. This challenged me beyond what I thought I knew about healthy diets and balance, to create healing meals for people who have no taste for food or life. I brought this home as I ate lunch and remembered…..to chew. To chew like life depends on it. It does, for all of us, our commitment to life is related to our ability to digest it. In everything we do. From how we feel waking up to who we are around, and even more, our relationship to the things we do.

Recovering….wellness, from an illness or injury or addiction or a breakup, is a pathway to the center of your being. To cultivate a life based on what you truly value. I’ve seen what happens when we break our own heart, I’ve witnessed and experienced depression in the deepest since. From taking care of my dad through a psychotic breakdown resulting in dementia, to healing from an eating disorder that nearly took my life, to moving back to my hometown and falling down before I learned to stand again on my own two feet, I understand fumbling through life and then rewriting a health history. It’s a choice first and foremost, to see yourself in your best body, to feel in the deepest place within that there is nothing wrong, to remember fully the precious balancing act that is life. Your potential lies in the hear and now, in recognizing where you are now, was created just for you. That the holding yourself back takes more energy than is worth it.

Inside of the radiance of you, is your light, a connection to the earth and a sense of safety from a place that is uniquely you. Finding our way home is lifelong work involving taking amazing care. Good nutrition in itself is a way to learn to live again, like yourself and to believe in your potential. Good nutrition coupled with loving relationships will keep the body strong lifelong. Having endured negativity that takes a person so far off track that coming home seems impossible, the pattern of returning seems fundamental to who we are as creative people. To be good to the body and the body returns the favor. To even though, in the meantime, while discovering who you are, what you want and why you want to continue growing and improving yourself, remembering that you already are amazing and perfect, and from that place, know life. Know a peace that is with you always. Find your way to a life that you love and a love that will keep you home because it comes from a place within the body that is your sacred connection to the ground beneath supporting you, the world around nurturing you, and the place within protecting you. A choice to be healthy becomes infinitely more easeful when we have developed the integrity within to stay strong throughout difficulty, awake to our needs, and aware of what feels good.

Seeing a light in you, each of us, and believing we are here to be free and in the lightness of being alive and well,

Waller

wearealiveandwell-MYSTICMAMMA



I’m obsessed with my puppy. Maybe more than chocolate, I adore Poppy. I would not be surviving, in the 32nd year of being single for thirty years. The way she paws my head when I meditate, or ignores me while sniffing the ground gazing up only to say please leave me be. If we all live an instinctual life like a dog, where do you think we would be? In bed? Outside smelling the earth? With each other or alone more so? Would there be more or less chocolate?photoIn an attempt to shed worries, overcome fear and slash a pattern of worrying about food and body image, busy hands seems to ease the pattern of feeling severed from belonging here. Cooking or moving or just learning to accept things as they are reduces the stress of being single and thinking that state is gonna be forever (it sure feels that way). Also living in a town where people continuously remind you that your only hope may be to be a miserable single person forever. That doesn’t help. Neither does trying to think your way to it being okay. In order for something to come to be, there needs to be hope. Being a hopeless single person is sort of a cop-out, according to my mother. It’s like trying to diagram a sentence that gramatically is incorrect. I want love, but not sure yet that I deserve it. I want to remain hopeful and true to my desires, but I keep falling off my rocker and ending up…..me, myself, taking care of the world and wanting to, well, run away to the other end of the world. There is something magical though, to have an Italian PhD student as a roommate who claims everything that culturally seems impossible to him: “THIS, it’s unbelievable” : That I don’t have a boyfriend (which I did not really notice until he moved in and don’t really want according to above). And “why do American girls love Italian guys so?” Ha.They pay attention to women, with heart??

So they say you have to release blocks to love, which creep in when self-nourishment is lacking…………..some chocolate to pretend it’s gonna be okay.

healthy yummy brownies

ingredients:

1 stick unsalted butter
6 oz semi-sweet chocolate, broken into chunks
1.5 cups palm sugar or, 1 cup brown sugar + 1/2 cup white sugar
3 eggs
1/4 c cocoa or cacao powder
1/2 t vanilla extract
1/2 t nutmeg
1/2 t sea salt
3/4 cup spelt flour
1/2 cup dried cherries

preparation:

Place butter and chocolate in a sturdy bowl over boiling water. Melt, stirring to induce a liquified chocolate.
Whisk in eggs, one at a time, until combined.
Add sugar, cocoa powder, vanilla, nutmeg and sea salt. Stir in the spelt flour.
Fold dried cherries in to mixture. Yum.

Pour into a well-oiled 8 x 8 inch baking dish. Smooth over with spatula.
Bake at 350˚ for 40-45 minutes, until a knife tip placed in the center comes out clean.
Let cool completely before slicing……to enjoy.photo 1“Silence can be prayer. Rage can be prayer. It’s truth. It’s all prayer. When we are talking to something that the rest of the world may not be seeing right that minute and we’re talking from the deepest part of out heart, we’re telling the truth. That’s prayer.”     -Ann Lamott

 

Puppy Love