To live is to be slowly born. It would be a bit too easy if we could go about borrowing ready-made souls.
Antoine de Saint-Exupery
The in-between is when doorways open up that are beyond the circumstances of what had previously been called your life. Life as it is with all of what makes sense, the familiar territory of home, the friends you call your loved ones, family who holds your heart even though they make it bleed and the places in between where you have those things you do which are your ways to come back home. They come from experience, and not from books. One day you may have been taught something, and another day it is a part of you and the origin can be traced, yet the intention is palpable. It is who you are, and by now you are willing to change, yet may not be able to see the whole picture of where you are heading. I am referring to unchartered territory (sounds intense!). Recently have been studying the creative process and making myself sit through times of discomfort only to realize that on the other side of pain, the skin feels softer, heart higher and even the breath more nourishing. It’s like there are times when I look around trying to be validated for where I am and others where I am inside looking out, sharing my peace with the world around as it touches me walking by.
What is transient has caused shame as I’ve clung on to what truly felt like it was right. A macrobiotic diet in which I always knew what was coming and lost my mind in the planning in order to avoid the uncertainty of the unknown times of day, month, year, life in which the answer is not always in the perfect arrangement of diced vegetables over a hearty serving of whole grains. Times like these were worthwhile, my mind was relatively clear of samskara because there were not guilt provoking ice cream binges. Yet there comes a time when life becomes more than about food and people start to enter your heart more deeply than any serving of rice could cleanse the gut.
We can become hindered by relying on what we observe as where we are, who we are with or what is occurring that is easily definable. And cling onto the idea of who, or what or why me that it must be a certain way or path to making meaning out of what is destined to change. The shifts are where the juice of life is, when we are able to relinquish doubt that we will be supported, embrace trust that we are loved, and follow along on a path that is larger than what maybe we know in order to design and create a life that is in us to live.
I took the summer to create a whole new picture of my life, and am just embarking on this new territory. There are bumps, there is a part of me that’s wanting to grasp hold of who is showing up, how I did it yesterday, what it will be and how to do it so I may share with you, truly a piece of me just is not ready. Is hanging out in between the rings of the ladder or strong holds of a proverbial career while I digest and assimilate the last phase to envision a whole new life. I’ve wanted to run, to go away from what is loving towards myself and slash all sensations of being held by a divine source of love that is always there beneath the surface of the holding on to what is. It is the magic fabric of life that is woven together through experience and not
The Bhagavad Gita (2.48) says that yoga means maintaining balance or equanimity (samatvam yoga utchyate). Even a yoga practice is not necessary for cultivating abhinivesa, but it is seeing the world through the lens of the unknown, in faith that it is changing and there will be new energy, new life, new breath and all we are responsible for is taking a deep breath together. Beyond the impediments of a peaceful mind, there lies the co-creative process where deep listening and insights occur.
“The creative is the please where no one else has ever been. You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the heart of your intuition.” Alan Alda
So my intention for what I’m creating is:
I am laying a sturdy and supportive foundation for nourishing work and a successful clean lifestyle company with clarity and efficiency.
ease, grace, gratitude
Will return with a progress report…